With a title like this, you’d be right to expect either Malcolm Gladwell or Jared Diamond but instead it’s just me, the religious right’s most reliable friend.
Writing this time about what is certain to instantly and dramatically improve our prosperity, our standing in these United States and around the world, and certain to ensure that people of other faiths and philosophical persuasions have as much reason to be just as intolerant as we appear to be, all arising because some zealots happen to think it should here in the land of Patrick Henry.
So now we live in a state on the brink of returning to its former glory when tolerance was on the run, common sense was in short supply, and the separation of church (and televangelists) and state was nowhere to be found. So now you can go out and buy as many guns as you want each and every month, at least, we think, until the end of 2014 when the world (according to those in the know from their constant, intimate contact with Yahweh) will come to an end. At that time, those with the most guns get the air-conditioned, view seats in the Happy Hunting Grounds.
Soon maybe biologists will learn how to give humans the same number of limbs as an octopus. Whereupon, the holster industry will boom, schizophrenic personalities will be able to have firefights with themselves, every day will be the 4th of July, there will be a cable channel devoted to John Philip Souza martial march music, and Charlton Heston will be back in the house.
There’s simply no rational reason to have so many guns. So what, when buyers or sellers aren’t rational. But I’ll bet Justice Scalia could channel a Founding Father or two for justification.
Our enlightened legislators have also passed bills on a subject, fetuses, never very far from that part of their minds owned by ALEC. Next, all women will be required to start photo albums of their families shortly after one of their eggs is fertilized, just in case any of them decide that getting fertilized wasn’t what they planned to do, or their partner told them would happen, or was the consequence of an act they were criminally forced to perform in the first place. But hey, we have ultrasound so let’s make a woman wanting to exercise her (dare I say god-given? sure, why not, the religious right always does) constitutional right to abortion harassed out of using it.
And while we’re at it, let’s see if we can register that fetus to vote. Never mind about no sentient function, that’s not a voter requirement in any case, just a photo ID (or ultrasound, I guess).
For those of you awake to the possibility that your culture is being bastardized, take heart, it was your failure to vote for moderates or at all that brought this upon the rest of us. You thought you could sit this out? That Potts or Broy had an odor? Too bad for you. See any parallel to the Middle Ages? Or prewar Germany? Or Bosnia or the Middle East more recently?
If you think this is intemperate, read what the advocates for these positions say. Their excesses surely don’t excuse intemperate language but does beget such language, and makes it like an arms race imperative, a gun not a knife to a gun fight. Great pun, bad metaphor. Civil discourse on tolerance will never start where it must, with talk show hosts and televangelists from whom these behaviors start. Why, because they cheerfully prey on this very frightened demographic.
So, if that’s the culture you want, every day is about to be Sunday. And there will be hunting.
The Plains, Virginia